you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
