I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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