Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
