theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
