It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
