i need an iv and a liver transplant
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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