Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's never too late to be topless.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
