He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
