you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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