my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
