8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
