Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can't trust your balls anymore.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
