That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
