my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
