They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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