My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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