thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
