She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dear god my vagina.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
