I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We had sex on a dog bed..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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