I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found your dick twin last night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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