When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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