all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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