I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
