So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
