I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
