even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
