You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
