Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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