He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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