I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
