I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
