Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
