My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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