hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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