Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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