Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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