that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
