Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
