Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
