nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
