He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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