I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
