i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
