Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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