I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
