I puked a lego.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
