I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
