That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
