You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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