she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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