Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
