I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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