i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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