she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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